Interviews with people I know 1.0
Big characters, Big questions, Brutal Answers
Dear Reader,
I hope this finds you LIVING LIFE LARGELY. I’ve not felt like writing memoirs for a while, I’ve been busy living out new monstrosities for future memoirs. I did have a desire to interview some of the big characters in my life in the meantime, just in general to satiate my curiosity about people and learn new things about people I think I know pretty well -mostly family members. Everyone is a laundry list of wonderfully strange to me.
The following interview is with someone I’ve come to know as a real pandora’s box. This interview made me laugh because some of the answers were given in total seriousness, but I’m still not 100% sure they are all the absolute truth. What we reveal to others is often different to our inner dialogue, but it doesn’t make the projection any less illuminating.
Enjoy!
x
Holiday Sidewinder
What was your first job?
At my grandma’s roadhouse when I was 12 years old. I got paid 20 bucks a day, clearing tables and washing dishes. Ripped off.
What did you learn?
That I was worth a lot more.
5 Significant moments or events in your life?
Having a kid.
Why?
The responsibility of it.
Having an abortion.
Why?
I don’t need to talk about it.
Missing out on winning the lottery twice by one number
When I bought my first Porsche at age 21.
Why?
It was a 350k car, and it took 3 years and a lot of effort to get.
How did you save the money?
Buying shit from china, repackaging and selling it in the US, laser pens and shit like that.
That’s all. No other jobs?
No, I was doing a Bachelor of Science, majoring in mathematics.
That’s it.
First Girlfriend? *Laughs. Tisha. (Pronounced Tee-Sha)
Was she your first kiss? Did you lose your virginity to her?
Yes.
Where did you meet?
Spring break in Cabo San Lucas.
What did you like about her?
Blonde hair, good face, good body.
What about her personality?
Kooky. Heavily into the spice girls.
What’s your earliest memory?
2 and a half years old. It’s personal.
Next earliest memory?
4 or 5 riding in a panel van with a mattress in the back going to a gig in Emerald (a town in Queensland).
What made you remember it?
I was thinking that if we crash I’d be dead, because we didn’t have seatbelts.
So you were scared?
No. I was mad at my parents.
What’s your definition of peace?
Sitting on the couch watching tv.
Do you have any memorable dreams or nightmares?
None. I have them, I just don’t remember them.
What do you in your spare time?
Sleep.
What’s a clothing item you can’t live without?
Jeans.
Bonds Chesties? (I say knowing he has about 200 of them and gets his mother to post new ones to him from Australia).
*says he doesn’t wear them anymore while wearing one
Well I don’t wear them outside.
If you could describe yourself in 3 qualities what would they be?
Elevated. Underestimated. Cold
What 3 qualities in others do you appreciate the most?
*Groans.
Silence. Independence. Honesty.
Name something your mother taught you?
That smoking is bad.
How?
By smoking. I was my own parent.
What did she cook for you?
Chicken a-la King
Worst physical pain you’ve ever experienced?
None. Nothing’s ever happened to me. No broken bones.
Emotional pain?
No.
Saddest you’ve ever been and why?
Titanic. When Jack sunk.
Did you cry?
Maybe… No.
When’s the last time you cried?
Titanic.
I thought you said you didn’t cry…
I said maybe.
How did you envision your future at 20?
I didn’t. I set short term achievable goals.
How do you envision it now? Dream scenario
Sailing around the world on a big yacht with my dog.
And your wife?
Yeah.
What else?
Play golf. I’d like to buy an ex military jet and fly it around recreationally and a P51 Mustang.
Any non-materialistic things that are important?
Yeah (*says unconvincingly)
Um… Breathing. loving. Getting my end away- don’t put that in.
What couple do you appreciate and respect the most and why?
Brangelina.
Be Serious.
The Curies.
Why?
Why not is a better question.
Because they worked together?
Yeah.
First lyrics that comes to mind?
*Starts singing with a laugh…
I got bitches all on my dick and everyday, suckin’ on my balls…
What makes you feel attractive or confident?
My Lamborghini. Having a huge dick. Beer.
What if you didn’t have a huge dick?
I don’t.
If you could be reincarnated as an animal, what would it be and why?
T-Rex. Top of the food chain.
What would instantly make you fall out of love with someone?
If they started smoking cigarettes.
Whats the most tragic thing that ever happened to you?
My grandfather dying. It wasn’t tragic though, it was just life, it wasn’t unexpected.
What would be your last meal?
This pasta dish that I cook. You know the one. Parpadelle, shrimp, red wine, creamy red sauce.
What’s the nicest thing a friend has done for you?
I’m usually the one doing everything.
What’s the nicest thing you’ve done for a friend?
Bought them a car, rented a house.
Why did you do it?
Because she had two kids and her husband kicked her out on the street.
When have you felt the most celebrated?
*Pauses and frowns for a long time
I go out of my way to not get in that situation cause I hate it.
Why? You don’t feel like you should be celebrated?
I don’t like fuss.
If there was one thing you could teach your child, what would it be?
Study really hard, set your life up in your teens and late twenties or it’s just a struggle. Yeah, just study really hard.
*Goes on partial rant…
Money is very important. The only people that say it’s not important either don’t have enough or they have too much.
Destiny or Chaos?
Neither. Definitely not destiny. There’s no predestined anything or any bullshit like that. There’s no organisation to life, it just happens.
So chaos?
No. It just is.
If you could be anywhere in nature, where would it be?
On a frozen lake in Alaska, accessed only by float plane, living in a really nice log hut I built myself, huge fireplace.
Is anything meaningful to you?
Yes, human kindness is very important to me.
Do you feel like anything is missing from your life?
Probably. New watch?
What’s the most childish thing you still love to do?
Send gifs and memes everyday
What your worst habit, something you’d like to change?
Not use women’s deodorant. I like it, but it’s a bit embarassing.
A new habit you’d like to acquire or change?
Go to the gym… but I hate the fucking gym. Get fit.
Work on my marriage.
How?
Be more understanding and attentive.
Do you believe success comes in the form of money or happiness?
Both
The End.