The Last Resort: Advice Column
Discount advice for the desperate and disillusioned
I’m feeling so ugly and uninteresting, what can I do?
I know I’m supposed to say you are perfect just the way you are -which of course, you are just by the very nature of living and being -there is no perfect/everything is perfect in it’s imperfection. Everything, everyone just is -and that is that. BUT this isn’t going to make you feel even a tiny bit better, so I will give you practical advice, aside from ‘get off social media’ -which you should totally do and will make you feel way better about yourself, life and humanity in general. This is likely the main cause of your ill feelings toward self. It does that to all of us. Throw it in the bin!!
Nevertheless, I want you to think about what makes you feel ugly? Is it a specific facet of your external look or is it something on the inside? When I feel shit about the way I’m looking, addressing it and doing something to change it within reason and budget usually works. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see Charlize Theron in Monster, but hey -that’s Charlize Theron! The only difference is a bit of make-up and a good haircut and blow-dry if you know what I mean. If you think your jaw is uneven -there’s youtube videos with exercises for that. If you think your hair doesn’t suit you -change it, if it’s unhealthy -start treating it right. Is your skin bad? Look at what’s causing it -change your diet, get your bloods done, check hormones, check your skincare routine, check your stress. We only get one vessel in this life and fuck me, it has to last us our lifetime, so we better learn to love it and treat it right. Eat nutrient-dense foods, move your body more than you do and more than you think you should. Stand up. Walk. Dance. They (our bodies) love and reward us for doing this. Everybody is beautiful, you just have to make the most of what you’ve got and the more you look after yourself, the better you will start to feel about yourself, the more assured and happy you will be and this will definitely make you feel and look beautiful. People can smell it on you when you feel good about yourself.
The insides though…
If you think your inside are ugly and uninteresting -your soul, heart and mind… then you need to address this more urgently and seriously. You’ve made a very harsh judgement of yourself which suggests you’ve got a clear standard for what you consider to be interesting and (not ugly). In a way, that makes this easier - because you have the answer ! - you know what want to be and what you’re striving for. Let’s say you think someone well read is interesting, this is so easy for you to fix now -just buy some books and start reading! Let’s say you think of someone who is the opposite of ugly (is that beautiful?) on the inside. Is it someone who does kind things for others? Start doing it! Strangers, friends, family. Start by doing one nice thing for someone this week. Acts of kindness are contagious -so you will start this beautiful butterfly effect of good feelings in your realm. Everything is just a muscle you have to work and build, and you have to start out somewhere. Thanks to Neuroplasticity -your brain is on your side and ready to help you make whatever changes you want to make, and facilitate that growth, at any point in your life. It’s never too late.
This is probably not what you wanted to hear from a pop starlet on Instagram. You probably wanted me to say -join your local cult, take risks, break some hearts, get your heart broken, throw a pie at your own face, start wearing Matrix clothing, listen to obscure esoteric music that’s recently been digitized, start an NTS radio show, start having an affair with local Diner waitress, become a crypto whale, spend half the year in Antartica, adopt a child, learn how to free dive and spear fish, pick your nose and eat it at sunset, get really good at billiards, spent the next year learning obscure languages, get plastic surgery, hire a personal stylist.
These things are all fine and might ( I stress might) make you more interesting and beautiful depending entirely on who you ask and who you’re trying to impress. Does it impress you? Is it beautiful and interesting to you? That’s all that matters here. If it doesn’t, you will always feel ugly and uninteresting. Start doing things that make you feel beautiful and interesting, don’t waste another fucking second.
Mostly, my friend, make sure you stay hydrated and get 8 hours of sleep every night. Try to watch the sun rise every morning under the bare naked sky. I promise you that you already have everything you need to be and feel beautiful and interesting.
Is it ever ok for a man to DM or reply to a story of a woman he hasn’t actually met irl?
Is it ok for a woman to DM or reply to a story of a woman he hasn’t actually met irl? The double standard test is always a good one to ponder. In this case, obviously if someone has a public profile and open DMs they are fair game for a DM/reply from a stranger -many times they are in fact putting something out there in the hopes a response. Why do we post a story? To share or publicise something. If you can’t handle the heat get out of the kitchen. No one is entitled to a reply either. So no stress. That doesn’t mean send a stranger a message that might make them uncomfortable. Definitely don’t do that. As a general rule, ask yourself
-Do I need to write this to this person? Do they need to read what I have to say here? What am I hoping to achieve?
-Is what I’m writing encouraging, supportive, friendly, informative, helpful, or self serving?
-If it’s bullying, mean, intended to start a fire, intimidate or put someone in an awkward or uncomfortable position then just don’t do it !! No need, no need.
-If they’re not responding, don’t keep harassing them.
Use your intuition. You know what’s right. Social media etiquette should totally be more defined and refined, I agree. That’s the wild webs though. Don’t send a D-pic unless it’s requested by someone you either trust or you’re not afraid of being blackmailed by and having that released into the public one day -that’s the most important one. OH ALSO, make sure they aren’t teenagers. That’s a great hard rule when it comes to approaching strangers on the internet.
Well, i hope my preaching and high horsing has been helpful in restoring goodness.
*cries and goes back to desperately trying to take my own good advice*
Big Love,
Holiday Sidewinder
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Disclaimer: The advice offered in this column is intended for entertainment purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This column, its author and it’s publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.