The Last Resort: Advice Column
Discount advice for the desperate and disillusioned from the last person you should ask.
Dear Readers,
I present to you the advice you sought from me (by followers on instagram last week). All the reasons I might be a good person to come to for advice are also the exact same reasons I might not be a good person to come to for advice? Nevertheless, if you are interested in seeking the opinion of a pop musician for entertainment purposes, I’m here for you, as a last resort, and here we are my friends…
Faithfully yours, Holiday Sidewinder.
Q. The Future…
A. A great album by Leonard Cohen. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the idea of the future, I suggest reading about the time space continuum and realising There Is No Such Thing As Past Or Future. Listen to Past, Present, Future by The Shangri Las, read this verse from Bob Dylan’s To Ramona
“I'd forever talk to you
But soon my words
Would turn into a meaningless ring
For deep in my heart
I know there is no help I can bring
Everything passes
Everything changes
Just do what you think you should do
And someday maybe
Who knows, baby
I'll come and be cryin' to you”
Watch this: Why 30 is not the new 20. Moonshoot.
I wish I could take my own advice.
Q. How do I overcome fear of being the subject of gossip?
A. By knowing, in the best way possible, that people are so consumed with their own lives, insecurities, feelings and fears, that you couldn’t possibly take up much more space than a fleeting thought or conversation -that really doesn’t matter to them anyway. In the words of Britney Jean Spears before she covered this Bonnie Raitt tune, give them fuckers something to talk about! Be fabulous and shameless. Let ‘em talk!
Q. Can flirting ever be not awkward?
A. In my opinion, you should only flirt if it happens naturally and you can’t help yourself. Sometimes you don’t even notice you’re doing it until you feel a butterfly or a cheeky little smile creeping on. Having fun flirting is much more likely to yield results. If it feels awkward, maybe don’t do it, just be you! Let it Happen! Unless you’ve got that bumbling idiot, falling over yourself blind-sided by love and attraction vibe, that’s hot. I remember walking backwards into a pole talking to a cute guy I was crushing on. Unfortunately, I had just bought a goldfish that dropped to the ground (it survived, thankfully!). I think embarrassing moments like that are endearing though.
Q. I recently saw an ex, then met up with her for drinks a few nights later. I liked it, now what? (that was also a first love/always love person even through mountains of bs and confusion).
A. Ask them how they feel? Let it Happen! Be easy. Be clear. Be honest. Roll with the changes! Do what you wanna do! It’s also normal to just enjoy being around an old friend who you have shared intimate experiences without it meaning you need to enter into a romance with them again.
Q. Moving to a new city to start again after a rough year and real heartbreak, hot tips?
A. Moving to a new city is my favourite thing to do. You have an opportunity to be and become whoever you want to, knowing that everything is transient, have fun with it, go hell for leather. Know that you will always have YOU and learn to love being with yourself. You will have the best time, and as my father used to say to me ‘everyone opens their doors to you when you’re single, when you’re a couple you’re a party of two and no one else is invited’. It’s an amazing time to immerse yourself in other peoples lives and see how doors will open for you. Be brave, step outside your comfort zone!
Q. Advice to get over someone you loved in a healthy way?
A. Make a voodoo doll? Burn Everything. Emotionally eat your own weight in sugars and fats. Insta-stalk them. Drown your tears in booze and boys? Jks.
Read this piece I wrote - Do You Believe In Life After Love?
Do whatever you have to, chase bliss, and don’t force it.
Q. I keep falling for people who are emotionally and physically unavailable.
A. I’ll be an irresponsible armchair psychiatrist here, because I relate. Maybe it’s more comfortable for you to be in love with people who are unavailable because it reaffirms beliefs you have about yourself being not deserving of love, or it mirrors and reaffirms a formative familial relationship that is familiar to you. This is an opportunity to examine how you feel about yourself and what you deserve. It might not just be bad luck. You might find that you are attracted to their unavailability. Maybe it is you who is not emotionally or physically available, and so falling for others who are also unavailable lets you off the hook? Research attachment theory? You got this. Either way, it’s all good. There’s something quite nice about admiring people from afar without needing to possess them or be involved with them.
Q. How do I break out of bad habits? I’ve realised the reason for my creative block is me.
A. I firmly believe in using science for guidance with anything to do with the brain, so I am going to send you over to these two podcasts with researchers, professors, doctor and authors who have dedicated their lives to this exact question.
How to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones With James Clear.
The Secret To Making New Habits Stick
My favourite tip I’ve picked up is adding a new habit to an old one. Think of something you do routinely, without thinking -like brushing your teeth, and add the new habit you want to form on to that and do it immediately after brushing your teeth.
In terms of creative blocks, I have two approaches. One is not to force it, if it’s not coming just wait for it, it could be years, just wait for the moment to strike, don’t beat yourself up about it. Immerse yourself in other peoples work and it might inspire you. I actually love this talk by the Eat Pray Love lady -Your Elusive Creative Genius. The other tactic is to start a daily practice of just making time to sit down and create. Andy Warhol told the Velvet Underground to write a song a day. Even if it’s shit, just the practice of sitting down and doing it will slowly build your skills and expand your ideas and you never know what gold you might find amongst the dirt.
You can submit your own questions directly to fanclub@holidaysidewinder.com, or DM me on IG or Twitter and I will answer them next month!